CW: Sexual assault, sexual misconduct, violence, gaslighting.
I’m telling this story in such incredible detail, in as much detail as I can possibly remember considering the number of years that have passed and substances abused the night of this incident and in the following years to come. I actually remember it much better than I give myself credit for.
I was raped in October 2011 by Ryan Jacob Huddleston, the drummer of Violent Affair.
Around this time, Ryan was one of my best male friends. I trusted and valued him like my own kin along with most of the other members of the band at the time. We (Ryan, Jesse and Zach Green) had played in various music projects together for quite a while, used to live in a house together and enjoyed a deep and strictly established platonic bond. (I did not play music or live with Zach, but the latter still applied.) On the night of my assault, I was at a typical punk rock house party with my then-husband, Paul Thorpe. I did not view this night much differently from other nights we all drank heavily together. The only difference with this night was that it was the first time we all partied at Jesse & Destiny’s house instead of our usual haunts, like the Man-palace in Moore.
I was dressed in fishnets, a black button up shirt, very small black cutoff shorts, a faux leather jacket and cowboy boots. My eyeshadow was black and silver. My hair was colored an unnatural red. I never dyed my hair that color again after that night.
Attendants of the party were as follows - me, Zach Green, Dave, Ryan, Paul, Hillary, Destiny and Jesse.
We all sat around and smoked kief and giggled. My memory starts to get foggy at this point, since I attempted to drink Dave under the table and failed. I made out with Hillary at one point. Was it before or after the rum chugging? I sat closely to Ryan to reassure him, patting him on the back in front of my husband and everyone else, because I knew he was still grieving a recent divorce and his sadness was evident.