Finding more photos from AWC and some of these ones are just stunning. But I’m sitting here after Norwegian Open wondering what went wrong. Maybe I was more mentally tired from AWC than I’d realised. Maybe because of how amazing it felt to run Loki at AWC I let my expectations get too big - I wanted to run like that all the time. And we had a good run, first thing Thursday. And we had an ok run with one bar down yesterday... and the rest has been... not great. Not working as a team. Not finding our flow. Not fighting our way through the course. Floundering. Getting caught up in dumb mistakes. Not being where I needed to be when I needed to be there. And so I get frustrated and I get tired and I don’t want to be here any more which of course just makes each subsequent run worse, especially when the two last courses of the weekend are pretty much impossible for everyone except a select few. Not the best confidence booster. They weren’t even courses you could walk out of and say: well, we DQ’d but man that was fun. I walked out wondering why I’d bothered with the course at all, having known before walking in that it wasn’t achievable for us right now but wanting to see if by some miracle we could succeed where all others had failed.
But no, of course not.
I guess sometimes I get impatient, with myself, with Loki, with the process. I want to get to a point where I can step up to the line and feel confident that we can make it around the course well. Sure not perfectly every time, I’m realistic! But finding that flow and that feeling that comes every time we get our shit together and work together as a team. I just want that more often. I want to feel comfortable running him, my out of control Ferrari. To know how much to hold and how early to leave. To trust him more and know he’ll understand what I’m telling him. It frustrates me that on Thursday I was so happy and felt like we’d come so far, but by Sunday it’s like we’re back at the beginning again. Lesson learnt, don’t enter 4 days of competition right after EO or AWC. I’m pretty sure I was this bad of a handler at BCC after EO this year too 🙄 time to go walk around a lake in the forest, work on my book and read